FIguring out the Bliss of Obstacles

Even though you said not to mention this one in our obstacles, it happens to be a big one for me. The first obstacle is finding the time to do this altered book, at least enough time to get anything out of it. I work and go to school. I usually work and go to school on the same days, as well as work on the days I don't have class, so I have no real day to myself. However -

• What if I took the time to do "me time" at the end of the day, I figure out a way to use the altered book as me time?
• What if I legitimately asked for a weekend off from work and do nothing but work on my altered book?
• What if I take the book with me and work on it on all my breaks at work?

My biggest fear is whether or not this altered book will be good enough. I've been given the opportunity to do whatever I want, yet have no clue as to what I want to do.

• What if I just let me hand do the work for me. Alas, surrendering to my basic instincts and letting my hand do what it wants to?
• What if I used my worries and turned them into the altered book, by some how drawing, creating, sculpting (unclear) these fears into the book however my mind sees them.
• What if I honestly just didn't give a shit? I hear some artist do their best work when they give up worrying and just do it.

I don't allow myself enough time to actually create just for myself, just the work I have to do for school.

•  Similar to the first bullet, setting aside a moment in time - whenever that may be - and just create whatever it is I want to create, instead of worrying about where I'm at in school.
• What if I take the work I'm doing in school, and some how mold it into doing something creative for myself?
• (something I've been wanting to do) What if I set out a journal beside my bed (altered book in this case) and when I have a dream - or nightmare - I draw or write or whatever those dreams in the altered book. I want to do this because I have some weird dreams I remember for about an hour then forget. I have a few good ones, some not so good.

I don't know if my already thought up methods of altering this book will actually be beneficial to me.

• What if I don't look at the methods as a whole, but use them as starting points to do how I feel at the time. It's kind of like cooking, you have all this stuff in the kitchen but what will you make with what you're given and how will you make it?
• What if I look at stuff has having a beneficial purpose for me and let go of my expectations of what it should do and just have fun doing it.
• What if I just try them all and see which one I enjoy best.

I have all these things I feel like I want to say or show or do, but have no idea if I'm getting the point across or not.

• What if I don't worry in the point is getting across to someone else, this is for me not them.
• What if I asked me friends what they feel like my altered book doing for them. How it makes them feel or what they see. Maybe we'll have a match or different feelings.
• What if I ponder at the fact that I don't actually know if this book is even supposed to have a meaning or a purpose - other than being creative - is there a point to even get across?