When I was first told to take this class and I had first read through the syllabus, my first thought was "what the hell?" I pretty much gathered I had signed up and paid for a class that is making me goof off. It seemed counterproductive to what college is supposed to be. College was supposed to eat my money, put me in debt, and give me some reason for a job once I graduated. This class wasn't any of those things. It took my money, but didn't follow anything that college was meant to be.
This class really helped me stop and think about myself. Something that most people would find selfish. And it is. But sometimes we have to be selfish.
I never really realized before this class how out of touch I was becoming with my own creative identity. How before when it fueled my soul, it now just gets me by. It's something I do to make money and not to enjoy. I'm a mindless drone doing exactly what the powers that be program me to be. No matter how free we believe we are, we're actually not free at all. It's a made up, society accepted manufacture of freedom. Everything you once knew gets stripped away as you get older. This class showed me to feed that part of myself once again. To draw because I fucking wanted to. To stop and give no shits about anyone else because I can. To be okay with the stuff I create because I enjoyed what I created, no matter how it looked.
The class was liberating as much as it was terrifying. I realized as well as the above how much control I actually lost. I thought I was always in control. That sure, they set guides, but I can break or cross them when I choose to. But when given total freedom from this class, I froze. I realized that those guides that I thought I was outsmarting were outsmarting me. They told me what to do, no matter how much I believed they didn't. I created for them which is what they wanted all along. I forgot what it was like to create for shear enjoyment. In a weird way, I lost recognition of myself. I was given assignments asking about the person I should know pretty damn well, myself, and couldn't even answer the questions I was given. I lost my sense of self exploration, adventure, being, awareness. I gave it all up to become what society wants, and I didn't even mean to. It all just happened. Unconsciously, I'm following a path that was designed for me, rather than designed by me.
However, I'm learning to recognize when these problems are facing me. I make time to do what I want to do. I look at assignments, and as long as I did what I could and tried, I don't care what any professor tells me. I shouldn't have to have my creative worked judged because someone thinks they have the right to. I create because I want to. If you don't care for it, that's not my problem. If I was to give a shit about every negative thing that a person could say, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. I've learned to put myself first and foremost. To allow myself the chances to create for personal fulfillment because I deserve it.
As this class and semester comes to a close, I'm allowing myself to go with the flow. Something I always thought I did, but didn't really. I'm allowing chance and spontaneous moments to happen. I'm taking control of myself. I may be a small fish in a big pond and go with the flow, but no one said I couldn't enjoy the swim.
Monday, December 15, 2014
Fear Response
I liked all of our fear projects. I believe it made us all seem more human and normal. We all have our own little issues that we deal with. Most of us had ones that could coincide with one another. I was surprised to hear how people thought of my own design as something holding up failure. It surprises me because I'll be honest, I use it as a crutch. I use my fear as a reason not to do something or go with with tasks. I know I use it as a crutch and it pisses me off. I'm very self aware of my fear and how it impacts my life. I know when it's happening and how it causes problems, but I don't ever seem to do anything about it. I let it control every thing I do. When I don't want to do something, I use my fear as a reason to get out of it. People saw that in my design, and I didn't even mean for that to be that way. I did what fell natural to me, and people figured out something about me from it without even knowing it. Something I didn't intentionally mean to show. It's odd how our creative side, when you give yourself over to it, actually tells the stories we didn't mean to tell. It lets people in when you don't intend for them to be let in. It's speaks the words that we fail to say.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Altered State
For my altered book, I decided to go through without a plan of any kind. I just knew that if I tried doing something right, it'd end up wrong. I'm usually unsatisfied with the things I create and this I knew would be no exception. So, instead, I went through and thought about things throughout my day, week, year, etc and just did whatever came to mind. I also burnt some of the pages and mixed the ashes with charcoal to draw with. I used some of the white meringue cookie chalk that I did in the senses project. I edited a photo of myself to represent my Who Am I project. And obviously, I used the photos I made for the assignments that had one. I also painted the book gold, just because. I also drew pictures and represented the assignments we did in class similar to how we did the fear assignment. I associated each one with a color and found that color in the book and worked on that particular section.
I enjoyed doing my book. My wrote inside the pages that were stapled shut little things I didn't want people to see. I kind of took the deep dark secret thing that other students had to do (I didn't have to) and did it myself. I wrote how my fear impacts me and tarnishes my goals. I wrote little sayings and thoughts I had during the past few months. Things that I don't think would have much meaning to anyone other than myself.
I enjoyed doing my book. My wrote inside the pages that were stapled shut little things I didn't want people to see. I kind of took the deep dark secret thing that other students had to do (I didn't have to) and did it myself. I wrote how my fear impacts me and tarnishes my goals. I wrote little sayings and thoughts I had during the past few months. Things that I don't think would have much meaning to anyone other than myself.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Push
It was weird how quickly most of us cringed at the idea that a fellow student did. She had made up a survey and had people answer it. That's terrifying in and of itself. I think people are more critical and open when they can be anonymous, like she had for her survey. A lot of us wouldn't have the courage to do what she did for this assignment.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Always the Bad Guy
First off, one thing that got me thinking was the fact that most people got talkative when people discussed the roles they like to take in games. Some liked being the good guys, others liked being the bad guys, others blurred the lines. If I play video games, I'm usually the bad guy. Not because I think myself as a bad person or living vicariously through a game, but because they always seem to have more fun. The heroes I feel always have restrictions and guides to follow. Their morals, no matter how set in stone they are, are always questionable. They just seem like deep down, they're probably a little miserable and have a little bad guy waiting to crack out. I rarely play video games though, so I'm not authority on what roles in games are actually like. It was just surprising how the talk of a game and issues playing a role got everyone off on their own little tangents.
Next, I was surprised to see how my project got people talking as well. I figured it'd be similar to the other people who spoke about failure. It'd be a few people just giving some sound advice and it'd be done. However, some where along the way people kept chiming in with words of wisdom and I was like "the hell?" Don't get me wrong, I appreciated it, I was just surprised at the response. I wasn't expecting it. I was also a little surprised people liked and what they saw in my project. I personally felt like it was minimal at best. I didn't think much about it, I just did it, and a lot of people saw some underlying themes in it I had no idea were there. They saw the things I didn't see. Just strange how that can work in a room of people that I think don't know me yet by looking at one little project I did seemed to know me a decent amount.
Next, I was surprised to see how my project got people talking as well. I figured it'd be similar to the other people who spoke about failure. It'd be a few people just giving some sound advice and it'd be done. However, some where along the way people kept chiming in with words of wisdom and I was like "the hell?" Don't get me wrong, I appreciated it, I was just surprised at the response. I wasn't expecting it. I was also a little surprised people liked and what they saw in my project. I personally felt like it was minimal at best. I didn't think much about it, I just did it, and a lot of people saw some underlying themes in it I had no idea were there. They saw the things I didn't see. Just strange how that can work in a room of people that I think don't know me yet by looking at one little project I did seemed to know me a decent amount.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Glass
I'd say the most interesting thing about class and learning about our fears thus far is that a lot of us have similar fears, and deal with them in the same way. I haven't gone yet, but I can say most of the things I could say and how I react to them and handle them has already been said. Most notably with two classmates who talked about how their fears cause them to fall back and not do their art work for fear of either failing at it (like me) or fear of it being judged (for me as well, because I'd consider that a failure). In both cases the students talked about how this fear gets so immense inside of them that they just shut off and hide, which is similar to what I do. If I get to that point, I shut off and take a nap. Which may be saying something because I'm always napping, but who knows. It was just enlightening to hear other students have issues that cause problems with them similar to my own and then hearing people talk about how they would fix it or change it.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Fail
My biggest fear in life is failure. I have a really big guard up around myself to make sure I limit my chances of failure. I can't 100% say what caused it, though.
After reading all the definitions of our four choices, I would honestly say it might be a anxiety, but lends itself more towards a phobia. At first, I was pretty sure it was an anxiety. When I read about anxiety it talked about fast heart beats, sweaty palms, head aches, nail biting, gum biting, and in some cases even panic attacks. I've experienced all of those in situations, and sometimes some at the same time. However, after reading about phobia, I think it may be closer to that. Phobia in and of itself is anxiety. So, either which way you slice it, I have anxiety. The reason I believe it to be more of phobia is biggest I learned that in cases of phobia, the person typically does everything they can to avoid the situations or how much it bothers you. Anxieties, from my understanding, only last the length of the time it is happening (example, like they said about the elevator. Anxiety of it happens while you're on the elevator, but goes away after you get off). But for phobia, it can hinder you minutes, hours, even days before, which in my case has happened. If I know I'm going into a situation where I can possibly be considered a failure, it haunts me for days. I can't sleep. I have troubles eating. I usually have headaches leading up to the problem. Then it really kicks in while I'm in the situation. When I know this can happen, I avoid it like the plague. I'll do anything I can to not have to be confronted with the prospect of failure. This includes failure in all it's forms, from career, to jobs, to homework, or even what other people think of me. If someone dislikes me, even though to a point I don't care because I don't know them, it still will make me have anxiety because I consider it a failure in my mind. It usually affects me in school or social situations. Speech class freaked the shit out of me. However, presenting in general freaks me out. I hate having to talk in front of people. It also creates issues with showing my work. The possibility of people seeing my work and then criticizing it bothers me too. I literally one time in high school told my teacher I didn't want to show the class my project and she said "present or take an F." I took the F. On the flip side, everyone can tell me it's the best thing they have ever seen and I would tell myself they're lying as to not hurt my feelings. It's a double edged sword. I usually wont present my stuff or let anyone see it. I wont apply for jobs for the fact of being rejected, which is a failure. I never think what I do is good enough or worth while. On scales of 1 to 10, I will usually rate my own stuff between 1 and 3. I will also usually avoid tasks that will eventually lead me to the possibility of failure. If I'm working on something, I'll usually find something "more appealing" or that I "have to do right now" so that I don't have to finish and have the chances of failure for it as well. I will usually create something and then fall short and know that it's a failure, so that I'm already prepared for it being a failure.
After reading all the definitions of our four choices, I would honestly say it might be a anxiety, but lends itself more towards a phobia. At first, I was pretty sure it was an anxiety. When I read about anxiety it talked about fast heart beats, sweaty palms, head aches, nail biting, gum biting, and in some cases even panic attacks. I've experienced all of those in situations, and sometimes some at the same time. However, after reading about phobia, I think it may be closer to that. Phobia in and of itself is anxiety. So, either which way you slice it, I have anxiety. The reason I believe it to be more of phobia is biggest I learned that in cases of phobia, the person typically does everything they can to avoid the situations or how much it bothers you. Anxieties, from my understanding, only last the length of the time it is happening (example, like they said about the elevator. Anxiety of it happens while you're on the elevator, but goes away after you get off). But for phobia, it can hinder you minutes, hours, even days before, which in my case has happened. If I know I'm going into a situation where I can possibly be considered a failure, it haunts me for days. I can't sleep. I have troubles eating. I usually have headaches leading up to the problem. Then it really kicks in while I'm in the situation. When I know this can happen, I avoid it like the plague. I'll do anything I can to not have to be confronted with the prospect of failure. This includes failure in all it's forms, from career, to jobs, to homework, or even what other people think of me. If someone dislikes me, even though to a point I don't care because I don't know them, it still will make me have anxiety because I consider it a failure in my mind. It usually affects me in school or social situations. Speech class freaked the shit out of me. However, presenting in general freaks me out. I hate having to talk in front of people. It also creates issues with showing my work. The possibility of people seeing my work and then criticizing it bothers me too. I literally one time in high school told my teacher I didn't want to show the class my project and she said "present or take an F." I took the F. On the flip side, everyone can tell me it's the best thing they have ever seen and I would tell myself they're lying as to not hurt my feelings. It's a double edged sword. I usually wont present my stuff or let anyone see it. I wont apply for jobs for the fact of being rejected, which is a failure. I never think what I do is good enough or worth while. On scales of 1 to 10, I will usually rate my own stuff between 1 and 3. I will also usually avoid tasks that will eventually lead me to the possibility of failure. If I'm working on something, I'll usually find something "more appealing" or that I "have to do right now" so that I don't have to finish and have the chances of failure for it as well. I will usually create something and then fall short and know that it's a failure, so that I'm already prepared for it being a failure.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Look Inward
Thinking about my fear was relatively simple for me. I already know (and have known) what it is for a while now. My biggest issue is telling other people what it is. I don't really like letting people in and letting them know my vulnerable side. My biggest issue is telling what it is and how I got there.
My altered book is still somewhat in a state of flux. Nothing seems like it's the right fit, even though it makes sense. I need to let go of trying to find the right fit and do what comes natural to me. Breaking down my walls seemingly will be the hardest task in general as the class comes to a close.
My altered book is still somewhat in a state of flux. Nothing seems like it's the right fit, even though it makes sense. I need to let go of trying to find the right fit and do what comes natural to me. Breaking down my walls seemingly will be the hardest task in general as the class comes to a close.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Entity
It was surprises just how well I think we all oddly connected today during class. Not all of us had the same outcome and realization from the Who Are You assignment, but we all gathered and understood one another. Some of us did have the same outcomes, which isn't too surprising, but it's nice to actually hear you're not alone. It was neat how, personally, I thought about my own answer and how it changed little by little as everyone shared their thoughts as well. As we were speaking, my own (although mute) answer was changing a little is time past. The main thing I think is that we're never the same people we were 1 second ago. We have had thoughts and emotions by then, which in turn, changed - even if slightly - who we are and our own personal recognition of our own entities in this world.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Nobody Knows Me
"Who are you?"
Believe it or not, that's a question I've asked myself multiple times in my life. Not necessarily because I don't know who I am, but it was more like I was trying to ask myself "who do you want to be?" It's oddly similar to Ghandi's saying "be the change you wish to see in the world" what was the change I wanted to see?
Honestly, I've never once been able to answer that question, and it's only fitting I'm asked it again. I could tell you the obvious answer 'because I was born, and I was only born so that my brother had a sibling.' Or I could go all philosophical 'I am here for a purpose and for something far greater than you or I could understand.' But the truth inadvertently is, I have no clue. I can't even come up with a lame excuse as to why I'm here. I really don't believe I'm here because I'll somehow unconscionably change someone's life.
I remember reading an essay a long time ago that said that a person 'dies' every 7 or so years. Not like actually dying, but that cells and what not are reborn every 7 years, thus changing your personality ever so slightly. Kind of like a Phoenix, it's still the same bird, but a whole new bird as well. I believe it. I truly do. I can say that who I was 7 or so years ago is no where to who I am now. The things I did, acted, said, etc seem like things I could never do now. It truly feels like a whole other person. Some people will just say it's because you've grown and learned, which is true, but it's weird to think just how many distinct personalities we have had in our lives. How many times we've died. It's a strange concept, and might be vaguely uninteresting to most. But it was actually a whole study, with experiments and human testing of cells.
So, back to the task at hand, I honestly have no idea who I am or why I'm here. I have no idea what I want out of life or what I'm looking for. I'm currently the youngest member of my family (my immediate family obviously, I have younger cousins) which means until a child is born from either my brother or me where we pass down our parents genes, I'm the last member of this bloodline. I've heard before that your soul purpose in life is that you are to pass on the bloodline and keep the family alive. It's strange to think just how many bloodlines have crossed and combined to create the limbs of a family tree, but that's a whole separate beast. The shear answer to this question is I don't know, and I can't possibly tell you.
I literally looked at the blind contour drawing Sheheryar did of me and kept asking "who the hell are you?" I still couldn't even come up with answer. Oddly enough, it's probably my favorite drawing or portrait of me, more so than any photo. Only because I've always wanted to know what I looked like through someone else's eyes. Granted, it's not an exact representation obviously, but it's still me. And strangely, I can see myself in it. I feel like it might actually be an unknown perfect representation of me and my life. I'm a little bit of a mess, my life is a little bit of mess. It's disorganized and cluttered, but still somehow put together. I've never bought a set of anything, nothing matches, everything is a mismatch of randomness. I just saw that contour drawing and was like "oh shit, that is you." It spoke volumes some how.
Monday, November 3, 2014
I've Never Not Been
The movie we watched today made me think primarily about how one connects to the world if they are isolated from the outside portion of it, at least to a degree.
I think the main thing I learned from the film is the sense of identity they portrayed. It wasn't one that a person would covet, they live in poverty, but how content they are living how they do. They have no interest in "normal" jobs, filing taxes, making more money, etc. Their identity is almost like they don't have one. The lot of us are known by our names and the corresponding numbers (social security, driver's license), I mean you have someone steal these and you've got identity theft - oddly enough, Bo does this, without haven't any real knowledge of what they even are, and buys a boat. I'm sure she doesn't understand the repercussion of that, but that's part of her world. She primarily creates a fictional world around her. She has, what I think is a circus, that she holds in the middle of the night, she draws pictures, reads books or is read books. The world as she knows it is pretty much made up in her head.
They have no frivolous luxuries, they enjoy nothing but gardening naked and fishing. Half the things we would probably freak out about (only getting $300 a month) they act like it's no big deal. They manage, and happily so.
I believe that's why Will falls in love with the place and Arlene. We all pretty much do what someone else wants us to do. We have to become an employee and sacrifice our own freedom to pay for a meticulously crafted creation of freedom - money is freedom. However, as the old adage goes, you can't buy happiness. Will has a law degree, becomes an IRS agent, moves around, yet is still unhappy is his life. Bo considers him a well traveled man, whereas he considers himself stuck. He eventually takes on a similar life to Bo, in retrospect. He wants to become part of the outside world they've created, live by little to no means. And like Bo, he begins to create. This fuels his life in ways that being part of a regular world couldn't do for him, and the life he creates in the following 8 years before his death.
It's similar in ways to Henry Darger. He had a job and relation to the world around him, but was predominantly a recluse. He spent his spare time doing nothing but creating. He wrote the worlds longest book and with no formal training, just his own will to create. Creation is made by yourself and you don't need a lot to have it come to fruition.
In the case of the Groden family and Darger, they had no real "identities" in ways that we coin identity. They were humans with personalities, thus making an identity, but not much else. They would be, and in Dargers case is, devastatingly unknown. People don't know much about them until they discover the world they created away from the world that is manufactured to us.
The use of depression in the movie was an example of people trying to find an identity I think. Charley wasn't sure what his problem was, but I truly think it was because he lost his sense of self. He was forgetting who he was and why he was here. I believe this because he told George not to let him go. Obviously they all thought he wouldn't kill himself, they said so, but why did he say "don't let me go?" I think it's because George knows him, probably better than his own family, and understands the fiber of his being. George is the last connection to that being. He hears Will talk about his life and his depression and eventually snaps out of it, I believe this to have happened because he hasn't lost anything or who he was, who he was is a father and a husband and that's all he had to be.
In a similar fashion to Will, I envied the Groden family to an extent. I'm fully honest about the fact that I believe solitude is a luxury. I think being on my own and thinking to myself helps me stop and think clearly without a mess around me. I would really love to live out in the middle of nowhere in most people's eyes. Although, they lived in the desert and I would much rather live in the woods, the shear since of aloneness is what I would want. However, unlike them, I'd have to have a job because I'd really need electricity and the internet, I am a kid of this generation. But I like to be alone. It's when I do some of my best work. Either then, or with my closest friends. I've always said I didn't need much space wise. I just need a space to create and think.
I think the main thing I learned from the film is the sense of identity they portrayed. It wasn't one that a person would covet, they live in poverty, but how content they are living how they do. They have no interest in "normal" jobs, filing taxes, making more money, etc. Their identity is almost like they don't have one. The lot of us are known by our names and the corresponding numbers (social security, driver's license), I mean you have someone steal these and you've got identity theft - oddly enough, Bo does this, without haven't any real knowledge of what they even are, and buys a boat. I'm sure she doesn't understand the repercussion of that, but that's part of her world. She primarily creates a fictional world around her. She has, what I think is a circus, that she holds in the middle of the night, she draws pictures, reads books or is read books. The world as she knows it is pretty much made up in her head.
They have no frivolous luxuries, they enjoy nothing but gardening naked and fishing. Half the things we would probably freak out about (only getting $300 a month) they act like it's no big deal. They manage, and happily so.
I believe that's why Will falls in love with the place and Arlene. We all pretty much do what someone else wants us to do. We have to become an employee and sacrifice our own freedom to pay for a meticulously crafted creation of freedom - money is freedom. However, as the old adage goes, you can't buy happiness. Will has a law degree, becomes an IRS agent, moves around, yet is still unhappy is his life. Bo considers him a well traveled man, whereas he considers himself stuck. He eventually takes on a similar life to Bo, in retrospect. He wants to become part of the outside world they've created, live by little to no means. And like Bo, he begins to create. This fuels his life in ways that being part of a regular world couldn't do for him, and the life he creates in the following 8 years before his death.
It's similar in ways to Henry Darger. He had a job and relation to the world around him, but was predominantly a recluse. He spent his spare time doing nothing but creating. He wrote the worlds longest book and with no formal training, just his own will to create. Creation is made by yourself and you don't need a lot to have it come to fruition.
In the case of the Groden family and Darger, they had no real "identities" in ways that we coin identity. They were humans with personalities, thus making an identity, but not much else. They would be, and in Dargers case is, devastatingly unknown. People don't know much about them until they discover the world they created away from the world that is manufactured to us.
The use of depression in the movie was an example of people trying to find an identity I think. Charley wasn't sure what his problem was, but I truly think it was because he lost his sense of self. He was forgetting who he was and why he was here. I believe this because he told George not to let him go. Obviously they all thought he wouldn't kill himself, they said so, but why did he say "don't let me go?" I think it's because George knows him, probably better than his own family, and understands the fiber of his being. George is the last connection to that being. He hears Will talk about his life and his depression and eventually snaps out of it, I believe this to have happened because he hasn't lost anything or who he was, who he was is a father and a husband and that's all he had to be.
In a similar fashion to Will, I envied the Groden family to an extent. I'm fully honest about the fact that I believe solitude is a luxury. I think being on my own and thinking to myself helps me stop and think clearly without a mess around me. I would really love to live out in the middle of nowhere in most people's eyes. Although, they lived in the desert and I would much rather live in the woods, the shear since of aloneness is what I would want. However, unlike them, I'd have to have a job because I'd really need electricity and the internet, I am a kid of this generation. But I like to be alone. It's when I do some of my best work. Either then, or with my closest friends. I've always said I didn't need much space wise. I just need a space to create and think.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
I.D.
The main thing I took away from class yesterday is that A.) there is no one way to define identity and B.) we all have different identities we want people to see.
It's hard to determine exactly what the main definition of identity is. However, when I look up identity in a dictionary in my house, it says "condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is" but it also lists the synonyms as "uniqueness, individuality, and personality." Yet, it seems like even though the synonyms define it as a personal label, identity always seems to relate to how someone else defines us. It's something that seems contradictory.
Like we mentioned in class, it all comes down to labels. How we label ourselves and how other identify someone else. I usually identify people with visuals. I don't mean to, I'm just really bad with names. I always say that I may know you but I can't remember who you are. Usually I'm talking about names is what I'm forgetting.
Yesterday during class, all I could think about once we discussed identity is how other people identify or "label" me. What identities do they see or register with me? Is it the one I want?
Also, I learned Bailey (Baleigh, Baylee, Bailee, ...?) is basic.
It's hard to determine exactly what the main definition of identity is. However, when I look up identity in a dictionary in my house, it says "condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is" but it also lists the synonyms as "uniqueness, individuality, and personality." Yet, it seems like even though the synonyms define it as a personal label, identity always seems to relate to how someone else defines us. It's something that seems contradictory.
Like we mentioned in class, it all comes down to labels. How we label ourselves and how other identify someone else. I usually identify people with visuals. I don't mean to, I'm just really bad with names. I always say that I may know you but I can't remember who you are. Usually I'm talking about names is what I'm forgetting.
Yesterday during class, all I could think about once we discussed identity is how other people identify or "label" me. What identities do they see or register with me? Is it the one I want?
Also, I learned Bailey (Baleigh, Baylee, Bailee, ...?) is basic.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
FIguring out the Bliss of Obstacles
Even though you said not to mention this one in our obstacles, it happens to be a big one for me. The first obstacle is finding the time to do this altered book, at least enough time to get anything out of it. I work and go to school. I usually work and go to school on the same days, as well as work on the days I don't have class, so I have no real day to myself. However -
- What if I took the time to do "me time" at the end of the day, I figure out a way to use the altered book as me time?
- What if I legitimately asked for a weekend off from work and do nothing but work on my altered book?
- What if I take the book with me and work on it on all my breaks at work?
- What if I just let me hand do the work for me. Alas, surrendering to my basic instincts and letting my hand do what it wants to?
- What if I used my worries and turned them into the altered book, by some how drawing, creating, sculpting (unclear) these fears into the book however my mind sees them.
- What if I honestly just didn't give a shit? I hear some artist do their best work when they give up worrying and just do it.
- Similar to the first bullet, setting aside a moment in time - whenever that may be - and just create whatever it is I want to create, instead of worrying about where I'm at in school.
- What if I take the work I'm doing in school, and some how mold it into doing something creative for myself?
- (something I've been wanting to do) What if I set out a journal beside my bed (altered book in this case) and when I have a dream - or nightmare - I draw or write or whatever those dreams in the altered book. I want to do this because I have some weird dreams I remember for about an hour then forget. I have a few good ones, some not so good.
- What if I don't look at the methods as a whole, but use them as starting points to do how I feel at the time. It's kind of like cooking, you have all this stuff in the kitchen but what will you make with what you're given and how will you make it?
- What if I look at stuff has having a beneficial purpose for me and let go of my expectations of what it should do and just have fun doing it.
- What if I just try them all and see which one I enjoy best.
- What if I don't worry in the point is getting across to someone else, this is for me not them.
- What if I asked me friends what they feel like my altered book doing for them. How it makes them feel or what they see. Maybe we'll have a match or different feelings.
- What if I ponder at the fact that I don't actually know if this book is even supposed to have a meaning or a purpose - other than being creative - is there a point to even get across?
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
What's Right In Front Of You
Yesterday, I had read an interview with an artist named Stacy Jean. She is known for drawing modern day figures (think Rihanna or Beyonce) in Victorian style clothing and drawing them on old music book sheets. They are really neat. She also does other things like skulls and what not on these types of paper as well.
What I really liked was that during the interview, she talked about how she had this sheet music in front of her the whole time, it was always there, but that when she first started doing art she went out and bought a ton of stuff, from canvas to drawing sheets. She spent a lot of money, but felt like her art still lacked something. It was similar to a lot of other artists.
One day, she decided to draw a Victorian photo she found and re-do it on music sheets. She then grabbed her niche. And she became really popular for it. From there, she said that you should never discount the stuff sitting around you. It's around you for a reason. It's something you own and bought because you liked it. She had spent money on stuff that didn't inspire or enhance her art in any real way, but she already had something at room that she needed.
It also similar to our altered books in a way. She liked those sheet musics. However, she took them, drew in them, altered them, played around with them. I found it inspiring really.
I don't feel as clueless about my altered book anyway. Still a little clueless, but I've realized I need to look around me to find inspiration. Not try to find it in a mass production.
What I really liked was that during the interview, she talked about how she had this sheet music in front of her the whole time, it was always there, but that when she first started doing art she went out and bought a ton of stuff, from canvas to drawing sheets. She spent a lot of money, but felt like her art still lacked something. It was similar to a lot of other artists.
One day, she decided to draw a Victorian photo she found and re-do it on music sheets. She then grabbed her niche. And she became really popular for it. From there, she said that you should never discount the stuff sitting around you. It's around you for a reason. It's something you own and bought because you liked it. She had spent money on stuff that didn't inspire or enhance her art in any real way, but she already had something at room that she needed.
It also similar to our altered books in a way. She liked those sheet musics. However, she took them, drew in them, altered them, played around with them. I found it inspiring really.
I don't feel as clueless about my altered book anyway. Still a little clueless, but I've realized I need to look around me to find inspiration. Not try to find it in a mass production.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
A bit Chalky
For my senses object, I tried meringue kisses, and I hated them. The taste wasn't bad, but I just really hated the texture, both in my hand and when I ate them.
First off the texture in my mouth resembled mothballs, and yes, I've eaten a mothball. That's why I also can't eat Whopper's candy either. I ate the mothball when I was 10, it ruined certain things for me. `It also had a similar texture in my hand to chalk. I hate the feeling of chalk. Seriously, can't stand it. I would refuse to use the chalk board in school for that reason, or throw a big hissy fit. I'll admit it, I was a pain in the ass. It has a slight baby powder feel, too. It squeaked a little in my mouth as well when I chewed at first. It eventually melts away, but it was a nasty process getting there. If you're into those types of things, it's cool. The texture isn't for everybody.
Now, for what I did with the project, due to the fact it felt like chalk and chewed like mothballs, I decided to say just that. I made homemade chalk with the meringue cookies crushed up and mixed with cornstarch and water. I did it two different ways. Sort of. I mixed the meringue cookies powder, cornstarch and water together, and got a paste. You pour the paste into a round mold of some kind, I used a toilet paper roll lined with wax paper so it wouldn't stick, and let it sit for 24 hours. Also, you can buy meringue cookies in different colors like pink, yellow, purple, etc. I only bought vanilla, so mine were white. To get a colored chalk, all I had to do was mix in some food coloring.
After it dried, I wrote on a cardboard poster painted with a bit of chalk paint "It chews like Mothballs" with my homemade chalk. Next, whenever you make the chalk again, when it's wet and you use it wet, it resembles watercolor to a degree. Not exactly, but a bit. So I did the process one more time, didn't need to bother pouring it into molds or anything and just made a mess - because it tasted and felt like a mess. It came out nice, and smells kind of nice too. I don't know how long it'll last, but I think if you ever tried it and used spray fix or something, it could last. No clue.
Also, since you used all food products for these (if you make them as well) they are biodegradable and can by thrown into the background or compost. If you're into that kind of thing.
First off the texture in my mouth resembled mothballs, and yes, I've eaten a mothball. That's why I also can't eat Whopper's candy either. I ate the mothball when I was 10, it ruined certain things for me. `It also had a similar texture in my hand to chalk. I hate the feeling of chalk. Seriously, can't stand it. I would refuse to use the chalk board in school for that reason, or throw a big hissy fit. I'll admit it, I was a pain in the ass. It has a slight baby powder feel, too. It squeaked a little in my mouth as well when I chewed at first. It eventually melts away, but it was a nasty process getting there. If you're into those types of things, it's cool. The texture isn't for everybody.
Now, for what I did with the project, due to the fact it felt like chalk and chewed like mothballs, I decided to say just that. I made homemade chalk with the meringue cookies crushed up and mixed with cornstarch and water. I did it two different ways. Sort of. I mixed the meringue cookies powder, cornstarch and water together, and got a paste. You pour the paste into a round mold of some kind, I used a toilet paper roll lined with wax paper so it wouldn't stick, and let it sit for 24 hours. Also, you can buy meringue cookies in different colors like pink, yellow, purple, etc. I only bought vanilla, so mine were white. To get a colored chalk, all I had to do was mix in some food coloring.
After it dried, I wrote on a cardboard poster painted with a bit of chalk paint "It chews like Mothballs" with my homemade chalk. Next, whenever you make the chalk again, when it's wet and you use it wet, it resembles watercolor to a degree. Not exactly, but a bit. So I did the process one more time, didn't need to bother pouring it into molds or anything and just made a mess - because it tasted and felt like a mess. It came out nice, and smells kind of nice too. I don't know how long it'll last, but I think if you ever tried it and used spray fix or something, it could last. No clue.
Also, since you used all food products for these (if you make them as well) they are biodegradable and can by thrown into the background or compost. If you're into that kind of thing.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Eye For An Eye
I couldn't attend class today because I had an eye exam at the Midwest Eye Institute at 2pm. It stems from a medical issue I had a year ago that left me blind in one eye. If anyone has been to the Midwest Eye Institute, then you know that an "in and out" visit turns into HOURS of sitting. I honestly loathe having to go into that building. Not to mention they had issues with some of my tests from the last time I was there, and they didn't even tell me. So I had to get them all done again. Man was I pissed. It should have been maybe an hour or so visit turned into a 4 and a half hour visit. I was mad. Really mad.
I felt like the nurses were doing this behind my back.
Also, they keep trying to send me to some ophthalmologist because all they keep saying my optic nerve "looks dead" which I'm just thinking "oh really? Is that why I can't see out of it anymore?" Like, I think we gathered the shit don't work. Back to the ophthalmologist. Pretty much she doesn't take my insurance, or any insurance other than medicare for that matter. And if they think I'm paying $250 for the visit and between $50 and $150 for exams (which ends up being like 6 different exams), they are sadly mistaking. It's like the 8th time I've had to deal with this. You'd think they'd realize the answer is no. Granted, I'd like my eye sight back, but I also had to pay to live as well, so I can't go giving up every dime I have.
However, I will say that I got this one test done where I looked into this weird sphere thing and it kept flashing different dots in different colors. It was pretty trippy. Gave me an idea for an entry in my altered book.
I also had some family issues. But that's nothing worth hearing about.
I felt like the nurses were doing this behind my back.
Also, they keep trying to send me to some ophthalmologist because all they keep saying my optic nerve "looks dead" which I'm just thinking "oh really? Is that why I can't see out of it anymore?" Like, I think we gathered the shit don't work. Back to the ophthalmologist. Pretty much she doesn't take my insurance, or any insurance other than medicare for that matter. And if they think I'm paying $250 for the visit and between $50 and $150 for exams (which ends up being like 6 different exams), they are sadly mistaking. It's like the 8th time I've had to deal with this. You'd think they'd realize the answer is no. Granted, I'd like my eye sight back, but I also had to pay to live as well, so I can't go giving up every dime I have.
However, I will say that I got this one test done where I looked into this weird sphere thing and it kept flashing different dots in different colors. It was pretty trippy. Gave me an idea for an entry in my altered book.
I also had some family issues. But that's nothing worth hearing about.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Less Isn't More
I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do with this project. Then by a serendipitous act of the internet, I came across a quote by Gianni Versace that said "less is a snore" which obviously alludes to the saying "less is more." So I decided to make a poster of sorts with more written numerous times with the quote at the bottom. Just because.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
You're Replaceable
My class takeaway from yesterday is obviously that we are all replaceable =].
On a more serious note.One thing I learned was that, even in a group, it's hard to think of something to teach someone when you're given no real direction as to what it is. We were stumped for a while about what to teach until we just came up with something. Then, after all was said and done, we had other ideas once we heard other people's ideas as well. I think in a round a bout way, this was a good exercise because it made us as teams think as a whole and think a little harder when we are given boundaries to follow (such as not using the internet).
I found out what Bible Dipping was, which is nothing I knew about before. This method is actually something I like. I found myself opening books and finding random words and drawing my idea of what that word means or looks like in my head. It's also something that I decided would be good for my friends "craft night." Which I'm not 100% what it is, but I'm going to have them doing something crafty worth the word we dip. Hopefully.
I learned a little about an Earth Harp, which was a pretty fascinating little piece of work.
I also got some other design ideas for my altered book by thinking about some techniques to come up with ideas. One is the bible dipping. Some I may end up using, some I may not. It depends on how well they come from my mind and translate onto paper.
On a more serious note.One thing I learned was that, even in a group, it's hard to think of something to teach someone when you're given no real direction as to what it is. We were stumped for a while about what to teach until we just came up with something. Then, after all was said and done, we had other ideas once we heard other people's ideas as well. I think in a round a bout way, this was a good exercise because it made us as teams think as a whole and think a little harder when we are given boundaries to follow (such as not using the internet).
I found out what Bible Dipping was, which is nothing I knew about before. This method is actually something I like. I found myself opening books and finding random words and drawing my idea of what that word means or looks like in my head. It's also something that I decided would be good for my friends "craft night." Which I'm not 100% what it is, but I'm going to have them doing something crafty worth the word we dip. Hopefully.
I learned a little about an Earth Harp, which was a pretty fascinating little piece of work.
I also got some other design ideas for my altered book by thinking about some techniques to come up with ideas. One is the bible dipping. Some I may end up using, some I may not. It depends on how well they come from my mind and translate onto paper.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
To Rule Break or Not to Rule Break?
Sadly, I didn't participate in this weeks exercise. I tried to at first. I thought about what rule I'd break and why. However, none of them were really that worth while. They were all pretty boring. Granted, I was really busy this past week, so it was out of sight out of mind as well. I at first just thought about breaking a rule just to do the assignment and get it done, but I assumed this assignment was to help us step outside of the lines and do something to help free ourselves of being tied down. If I did the assignment and half assed it just to get it done, it would be for nothing. I wouldn't really be doing myself any favors just by skirting the lines. The purpose, from my understanding, was to break a rule and think about how rules bog us down in our creative development and processing. I couldn't think of a rule to break that would fit that reasoning behind doing the assignment. I was about to do it just to show something, but that isn't the purpose here. Therefore, I decided not to rule break.
However, I think I can still talk about having rules and when they can be broken, or even should be broken. My past typography teacher, Alicia Ford, once told our class that "you have to know the rules before you can break them." She said this as a response to a fellow student who asked why they couldn't do something they wanted to do (in this case, it was using a grid system) because they wanted it to be open and free. The whole purpose of the assignment at the time was utilizing a grid system and understanding proportions and placement. He argued with her for a good few minutes before she made her statement. Of course, the student thought she was wrong, only because it was obvious he half-ass the assignment before class.
Pretty much what we learned in that moment is that rules are here for a reason. They are to help set a guide for us to follow. In example with the grid, it was to help place things so the audience has a better understanding of the material. You want them to follow a certain pattern. However, that didn't mean you can't go against the grain once you learned how to properly set them up. The purpose being that you understand the underlying method to eventually break the method to turn it into your own. It's similar to organized chaos. Once you understand how to organize efficiently, can you organize it chaotically. Not to mention, you don't want to break the rules just because you can. No one likes a rule breaker with no purpose. In those cases, you're someone who didn't take the time to understand the basics of a system. It's not wrong to dislike a system once you've learned it, but don't shut it down before you've tried it because you're being lazy. The student in this whole scenario just decided to skirt the process, waited until the last minute, and then decided to turn in the assignment during critique session with a uninspired argument as to why they didn't do what they were supposed to.
I think breaking the rules can lead to some wonderful creative revelations when they are done properly. There's times when breaking the rules has created some wonderful art in this world. I recently, and ironically, read an interview with Antxon Gomez (someone who works in the film and advertising industries) and he talked about how breaking the rules and being different is more important these days for young artists and designers than following the herd. He says "Young people should take risks, experiment and try new things. Don't be afraid, be positive. Enjoy making mistakes and do what other people aren't doing - learn to break the rules. Above all, it's better to regret something you tried and failed at, than regret not trying at all."
However, I think I can still talk about having rules and when they can be broken, or even should be broken. My past typography teacher, Alicia Ford, once told our class that "you have to know the rules before you can break them." She said this as a response to a fellow student who asked why they couldn't do something they wanted to do (in this case, it was using a grid system) because they wanted it to be open and free. The whole purpose of the assignment at the time was utilizing a grid system and understanding proportions and placement. He argued with her for a good few minutes before she made her statement. Of course, the student thought she was wrong, only because it was obvious he half-ass the assignment before class.
Pretty much what we learned in that moment is that rules are here for a reason. They are to help set a guide for us to follow. In example with the grid, it was to help place things so the audience has a better understanding of the material. You want them to follow a certain pattern. However, that didn't mean you can't go against the grain once you learned how to properly set them up. The purpose being that you understand the underlying method to eventually break the method to turn it into your own. It's similar to organized chaos. Once you understand how to organize efficiently, can you organize it chaotically. Not to mention, you don't want to break the rules just because you can. No one likes a rule breaker with no purpose. In those cases, you're someone who didn't take the time to understand the basics of a system. It's not wrong to dislike a system once you've learned it, but don't shut it down before you've tried it because you're being lazy. The student in this whole scenario just decided to skirt the process, waited until the last minute, and then decided to turn in the assignment during critique session with a uninspired argument as to why they didn't do what they were supposed to.
I think breaking the rules can lead to some wonderful creative revelations when they are done properly. There's times when breaking the rules has created some wonderful art in this world. I recently, and ironically, read an interview with Antxon Gomez (someone who works in the film and advertising industries) and he talked about how breaking the rules and being different is more important these days for young artists and designers than following the herd. He says "Young people should take risks, experiment and try new things. Don't be afraid, be positive. Enjoy making mistakes and do what other people aren't doing - learn to break the rules. Above all, it's better to regret something you tried and failed at, than regret not trying at all."
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
The Crazy People Are The Ones That Buy It
What I took away from last class is that we, as Americans, do not have that many hardships like we think we do. It stuck in my mind the fact that most of them talked about eating the food they saw in the garbage. They found a baby thrown away in the trash. They showered using pots of water. It was just really staggering just how good we actually have it. Especially since they only make at most $25. I just have a lot more appreciation for what I have. I also like how they made all the art out of trash. It's not something you'd usually think of doing, but they did. And it was beautiful. The mural sold for thousands. That's pretty amazing.
A different take away not related to the movie is actually how much I thought about my altered book as other students talked about their altered book. I actually came up with an idea for mine that I didn't have originally just by listening to other students.
A different take away not related to the movie is actually how much I thought about my altered book as other students talked about their altered book. I actually came up with an idea for mine that I didn't have originally just by listening to other students.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
If What
Since I wasn't in class last week I'm not sure if we told each other what our hated book is. Mine is actually a cookbook by Gordon Ramsay called Fast Food. I don't hate it's content exactly, actually I've never read it (cooked from it?). I have an associate's degree in visual communications, and it's the design of the book I hate. It's choices of type and color is just all over the place, and there's no cohesive element. I mean, even if you didn't have a design degree I don't think you'd even like the design. Because of that, I looked in it once and was like "no thank you" and it's been gathering dust ever since. Figured now was a good time to do something fun and positive with something I don't like.
I also choose it because I got rid of all the textbooks I resented long ago.
1. I burn it
2. I burn it and mail it back to Gordon.
3. I cook it's pages.
4. I sell it to some poor schmuck.
5. I cut out parts of it to make a ransom note to send to Gordon.
6. I go to a mental institution and claim the book is holding me ransom.
7. I let my dog chew the paper out of it, because she likes chewing paper for some reason. Not lying. The dog ate my homework was a legit excuse for me. She likes newspaper most.
8. I draw in it.
9. God forbid, I actually cook a recipe from it.
10. I tear out it's pages and practice origami.
11. I let a kid have fun and color all over it.
12. I mark out certain words to transform the meaning of the page and make a whole new story from it.
13. I draw on all it's corners to make a flip book.
14. I relate this one to number 1, and wait to use it in winter when we light the fireplace.
15. I cut out designs on each page to make one huge design.
16. I make one of those paper face collages.
17. I make this.
18. I put it into a time capsule and let the next generation deal with it.
19. I do some weird DIY project with it.
20. I doodle in it.
21. I make a fleet of paper planes.
22. I let my dad shoot it.
23. I read through the recipe and create an animated short from it on how to make the food (yeah, this will never happen).
24. I cut out pieces to hide stuff in, like the remote.
25. I storyboard for another class in it.
26. My friends want to do a craft night for I don't know why, so scrap paper?
27. I make it into a photo album.
28. I write in it.
29. I white out the pages and write in it.
30. I white out the pages and draw in it.
31. If I was creative enough, I would make one of those paper sculptures.
32. I rip out a few pages and make a Burger King crown designed my way.
33. I cut out words to write letters to those I love.
34. Make one of those neat beehive patterns with the pages.
35. I put the book in acid.
36. I run over it a few times with my car. It needs character.
37. I donate the book to a restaurant.
38. I let someone allow their dog or cat to pee or poop on it.
39. I put it under a bed and claim it's the monster under the bed.
40. I put it in the oven and turn it on, because...well, oops.
41. I do not believe it can be flushed in the state it currently is in.
42. I accidentally left it some where.
43. I shipped it to some random person in China. Would it get through customs?
44. I walk up to some random tree, leave the book, and apologize that they killed one of their own to create this book.
45. I cry at it telling it how disappointed it made me and that I needed to go to therapy.
46. Alter the book?
47. Do people really come up with 50 of these?
48. Please refer back to the previous 47.
49. I rewrite all these on the first 48 pages.
50. I do nothing with the book and it stays the lame book it is on the shelf.
I also choose it because I got rid of all the textbooks I resented long ago.
1. I burn it
2. I burn it and mail it back to Gordon.
3. I cook it's pages.
4. I sell it to some poor schmuck.
5. I cut out parts of it to make a ransom note to send to Gordon.
6. I go to a mental institution and claim the book is holding me ransom.
7. I let my dog chew the paper out of it, because she likes chewing paper for some reason. Not lying. The dog ate my homework was a legit excuse for me. She likes newspaper most.
8. I draw in it.
9. God forbid, I actually cook a recipe from it.
10. I tear out it's pages and practice origami.
11. I let a kid have fun and color all over it.
12. I mark out certain words to transform the meaning of the page and make a whole new story from it.
13. I draw on all it's corners to make a flip book.
14. I relate this one to number 1, and wait to use it in winter when we light the fireplace.
15. I cut out designs on each page to make one huge design.
16. I make one of those paper face collages.
17. I make this.
18. I put it into a time capsule and let the next generation deal with it.
19. I do some weird DIY project with it.
20. I doodle in it.
21. I make a fleet of paper planes.
22. I let my dad shoot it.
23. I read through the recipe and create an animated short from it on how to make the food (yeah, this will never happen).
24. I cut out pieces to hide stuff in, like the remote.
25. I storyboard for another class in it.
26. My friends want to do a craft night for I don't know why, so scrap paper?
27. I make it into a photo album.
28. I write in it.
29. I white out the pages and write in it.
30. I white out the pages and draw in it.
31. If I was creative enough, I would make one of those paper sculptures.
32. I rip out a few pages and make a Burger King crown designed my way.
33. I cut out words to write letters to those I love.
34. Make one of those neat beehive patterns with the pages.
35. I put the book in acid.
36. I run over it a few times with my car. It needs character.
37. I donate the book to a restaurant.
38. I let someone allow their dog or cat to pee or poop on it.
39. I put it under a bed and claim it's the monster under the bed.
40. I put it in the oven and turn it on, because...well, oops.
41. I do not believe it can be flushed in the state it currently is in.
42. I accidentally left it some where.
43. I shipped it to some random person in China. Would it get through customs?
44. I walk up to some random tree, leave the book, and apologize that they killed one of their own to create this book.
45. I cry at it telling it how disappointed it made me and that I needed to go to therapy.
46. Alter the book?
47. Do people really come up with 50 of these?
48. Please refer back to the previous 47.
49. I rewrite all these on the first 48 pages.
50. I do nothing with the book and it stays the lame book it is on the shelf.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
How Much Mucus Can Your Body Produce!?
Sadly, I wasn't able to attend class yesterday because I was sick. So, I didn't have any uplifting and life changing experiences. Pretty much I took Tamiflu, tried sleeping, sneezed and coughed too much that I barely slept, cough so much I hurt my back (yeah, who knew that could happen?) and did homework. I played Weeds and Godzilla in the background. I learned from Weeds that my life is really not dramatic at all. It's kind of normal. To a degree. Godzilla taught me that Godzilla isn't really that bad of a monster and that Matthew Broderick just didn't understand who Godzilla was or anything about him. I drew a lot for a different class as homework and worked on unwrapping a 3D pig. That wasn't that fun really because the pig was severely annoying, and I think it was upset my dad's girlfriend was making BLTs.
That's all I did. It wasn't eventful or thrilling in any way. I pretty much stayed in one spot, drank vegetable and fruit juice, took medication, did homework and listened to the TV make loud noises.
That's all I did. It wasn't eventful or thrilling in any way. I pretty much stayed in one spot, drank vegetable and fruit juice, took medication, did homework and listened to the TV make loud noises.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Can you doodle? Can you really, though?
I'm not sure what I want to think about this whole doodling thing. I will say, towards the end, I enjoyed it. It let me let go for a half hour and just think about nothing.
My doodling pretty much began with writing the word I got in class - action - in the middle of the page and doodling around it. I didn't think of anything in particular when I was drawing. I just let my hand do what it wanted to. I think that's part of surrendering, while also be spontaneous. It took a second to let myself just do anything and nothing all at the same time. I did find myself writing and drawing things that were happening around me. Weeds was playing on the television in the background. My dad was talking about hippies on the phone (don't ask me why, no clue). I was also doodling in the dining room, so I could smell chili cooking as well.
I do think that doodling can be a great precursor to great design. I found myself coming up with ideas for future projects just by doodling. It's kind of like I was writing some series of ideas on paper and smashing them all together. They won't make much sense to anyone else, but I understand what I was trying to do. I think once you create something so chaotic, you can explore new ways of expressing your ideas. There was no real aesthetic or reason behind half of what I did, and I just drew as something popped into my head. From there, one idea usually led to another. Example, and you can't really see it well, but I began with Weeds by drawing some weird creature high off his rocker, to imagining the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland to thinking about insanity and asylums. It's just crazy how one little thing led to so many others. Doodling I think could be a great tool for helping people get out of a block. Engrossing yourself and letting go can help you think of things in a way you might not have before.
I'm currently taking metalsmithing this semester at Herron, and this gave me an idea for our next project. The weird thing is, it has absolutely nothing to do with what I doodled. It came to me as I was doodling (serendipity) Just strange how it happened. Maybe doodling is a subconscious way of forcing yourself to think?
Possibly. Maybe. Kind of. Sort of. I don't know. Crazy thoughts abound.
My doodling pretty much began with writing the word I got in class - action - in the middle of the page and doodling around it. I didn't think of anything in particular when I was drawing. I just let my hand do what it wanted to. I think that's part of surrendering, while also be spontaneous. It took a second to let myself just do anything and nothing all at the same time. I did find myself writing and drawing things that were happening around me. Weeds was playing on the television in the background. My dad was talking about hippies on the phone (don't ask me why, no clue). I was also doodling in the dining room, so I could smell chili cooking as well.
I do think that doodling can be a great precursor to great design. I found myself coming up with ideas for future projects just by doodling. It's kind of like I was writing some series of ideas on paper and smashing them all together. They won't make much sense to anyone else, but I understand what I was trying to do. I think once you create something so chaotic, you can explore new ways of expressing your ideas. There was no real aesthetic or reason behind half of what I did, and I just drew as something popped into my head. From there, one idea usually led to another. Example, and you can't really see it well, but I began with Weeds by drawing some weird creature high off his rocker, to imagining the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland to thinking about insanity and asylums. It's just crazy how one little thing led to so many others. Doodling I think could be a great tool for helping people get out of a block. Engrossing yourself and letting go can help you think of things in a way you might not have before.
I'm currently taking metalsmithing this semester at Herron, and this gave me an idea for our next project. The weird thing is, it has absolutely nothing to do with what I doodled. It came to me as I was doodling (serendipity) Just strange how it happened. Maybe doodling is a subconscious way of forcing yourself to think?
Possibly. Maybe. Kind of. Sort of. I don't know. Crazy thoughts abound.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
How To Determine Value
The thing most I take away from yesterday's class was the question "how do we determine value?" And it became evident that the class determines value in a variety of ways. For me, I don't believe that value is physically obtainable. I think it's something that we mentally obtain.
Let me explain, because I probably sound crazy.
I believe that people don't actually value a physical object for what it is, but the memories or meaning that it holds. When I blogged about last weeks class takeaway, I mentioned how when I go to movies, I don't actually mind if the movie was terrible or not, but rather enjoy the time I spend with the people I go with. The movie, in all its entirety, holds no value me. However, when I see it at Walmart or Target, I'll remember the people I went with and the time we spent together, for that, I will enjoy the movie and that holds the value. I think it also relates to the classmate that mentioned nostalgia. Nostalgia is a memory, and that's where we hold the value, not in the object itself. It brings back the feelings. It's similar to how people mention that their favorite flower brings back memories, i.e. "my favorite flowers are roses, because when I smell them, it reminds me of my mom."
Another good example, I cant remember her name sadly, but I read about a model who's home was flooded during hurricane Sandy. She talked about how, at first, when she learned her home was flooded she thought "oh my God, I have lost everything. Everything that means anything to me is gone." But she later realized and said "I see now that I haven't actually lost anything. I lost the thing that reminds me of important times in my life, but not the actually meaning behind them." Pretty much, she's talking about the photos (or whatever objects she may be talking about) don't actually hold the value, but the memories behind them. Even if those objects are lost or ruined, the memory still remains because it's permanently archived in your mind. You might lose a physical object, but not the meaning as to why it holds value.
I don't believe you can put a price tag on value. You will be pissed that you pay large amounts of money for textbooks you may not use again after that class. That doesn't have a value in my eyes. It's an object that I use to pass a class. It means nothing more.
Let me explain, because I probably sound crazy.
I believe that people don't actually value a physical object for what it is, but the memories or meaning that it holds. When I blogged about last weeks class takeaway, I mentioned how when I go to movies, I don't actually mind if the movie was terrible or not, but rather enjoy the time I spend with the people I go with. The movie, in all its entirety, holds no value me. However, when I see it at Walmart or Target, I'll remember the people I went with and the time we spent together, for that, I will enjoy the movie and that holds the value. I think it also relates to the classmate that mentioned nostalgia. Nostalgia is a memory, and that's where we hold the value, not in the object itself. It brings back the feelings. It's similar to how people mention that their favorite flower brings back memories, i.e. "my favorite flowers are roses, because when I smell them, it reminds me of my mom."
Another good example, I cant remember her name sadly, but I read about a model who's home was flooded during hurricane Sandy. She talked about how, at first, when she learned her home was flooded she thought "oh my God, I have lost everything. Everything that means anything to me is gone." But she later realized and said "I see now that I haven't actually lost anything. I lost the thing that reminds me of important times in my life, but not the actually meaning behind them." Pretty much, she's talking about the photos (or whatever objects she may be talking about) don't actually hold the value, but the memories behind them. Even if those objects are lost or ruined, the memory still remains because it's permanently archived in your mind. You might lose a physical object, but not the meaning as to why it holds value.
I don't believe you can put a price tag on value. You will be pissed that you pay large amounts of money for textbooks you may not use again after that class. That doesn't have a value in my eyes. It's an object that I use to pass a class. It means nothing more.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Egging It On
When we were first given this assignment, my mind began running in about 100 different directions. I had no idea what I was going to do with this egg. Pretty much I drove home after class with the egg rolling around in a coffee mug in my car as to make sure I wasn't going to break it. And as it rolled around and dinged each side of the mug as I drove, I began to become more and more aggravated by this egg. All I could think about was how some fellow student was somehow going to hatch a Gremlin from the egg, and I couldn't think of a damn thing to do with it. It was only the first class, and I was already smelling defeat, (and no, it wasn't just the increasing stench of a rotting egg in the terribly hot weather). Pretty much, I was getting more aggravated every second, and it became even more infuriating that I was allowing something so asinine as an egg makes me this angry.
So, to appease myself, I decided to make my project an "out of sight, out of mind" type of ordeal. I decided to place the egg into a mini cake box, set it on the break room table at work, and just leave it. It couldn't bother me if it weren't around to taunt me with its evil egginess. However, I decided to delve a little deeper, and make it into an experiment. I realized that I was letting something get to me that shouldn't. It was just an egg. Now, what would happen if I took something that all my co-worker probably see every day, and put it into a completely new place? I added a sign that said "Do not touch the egg! Seriously! Do not touch the egg" for two reasons. One was so no one would, hopefully, touch it and break it and two because the sign gave the egg a sense of importance. Everyone's touched an egg, but when you're told not to touch the egg, it makes you want to touch the egg. I also added a sign that said, "But why is it here?" I was curious as to what people thought when they saw the egg. I left a pad of paper next to the signs and allowed people to write down their thoughts. I got two pages worth. My favorite had to be the fact our store manager happened to be on vacation in Cancun at the time of this, so someone wrote "Krystal's way of spying on us while she's on vacation." Others were more along the lines of "thinking outside of the box." The rest were the typical "to eat."
The best part of it was that I didn't tell anyone that I put it on the break room table and left it for the week. So everyone began speculating as to who put it there and why. There were some funny theories. It was just insightful that something as miniscule as an egg sitting on a table made people so curious. At the very end, I printed out another sheet with a sign that said "The egg was just an egg. It's meant to make you question something out of the ordinary."
In the end, I'll admit, it's not the most life changing experiment. I didn't do anything crazy with the egg. But it was fun to watch people ponder and gawk at something they probably have a dozen of in their fridges as you read this.
So, to appease myself, I decided to make my project an "out of sight, out of mind" type of ordeal. I decided to place the egg into a mini cake box, set it on the break room table at work, and just leave it. It couldn't bother me if it weren't around to taunt me with its evil egginess. However, I decided to delve a little deeper, and make it into an experiment. I realized that I was letting something get to me that shouldn't. It was just an egg. Now, what would happen if I took something that all my co-worker probably see every day, and put it into a completely new place? I added a sign that said "Do not touch the egg! Seriously! Do not touch the egg" for two reasons. One was so no one would, hopefully, touch it and break it and two because the sign gave the egg a sense of importance. Everyone's touched an egg, but when you're told not to touch the egg, it makes you want to touch the egg. I also added a sign that said, "But why is it here?" I was curious as to what people thought when they saw the egg. I left a pad of paper next to the signs and allowed people to write down their thoughts. I got two pages worth. My favorite had to be the fact our store manager happened to be on vacation in Cancun at the time of this, so someone wrote "Krystal's way of spying on us while she's on vacation." Others were more along the lines of "thinking outside of the box." The rest were the typical "to eat."
The best part of it was that I didn't tell anyone that I put it on the break room table and left it for the week. So everyone began speculating as to who put it there and why. There were some funny theories. It was just insightful that something as miniscule as an egg sitting on a table made people so curious. At the very end, I printed out another sheet with a sign that said "The egg was just an egg. It's meant to make you question something out of the ordinary."
In the end, I'll admit, it's not the most life changing experiment. I didn't do anything crazy with the egg. But it was fun to watch people ponder and gawk at something they probably have a dozen of in their fridges as you read this.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Expectations
I think one of the main things that stuck out to me after class was
during the Ted Talk video where Barry mentioned that we have such high
expectations for things that we virtually already make ourselves
dissatisfied with them. Good example for me, and one I really hate, is
when I go to or watch movies with certain people. These certain people
always have such high expectations for these movies, that they end up
disliking them each and every time. They come out being able to say
maybe one or two good things about it, but have a list of about 30 as to
why they didn't. Usually, the main dislike with the movie is always "it
wasn't what I was expecting". As for myself, and a close friend who is
usually with this group of people, just enjoy going to the movies
together. It doesn't take a lot for us to enjoy a movie. Granted, we
don't like them all, but we never really hate any of them. Why? Because
we never go in expecting anything. We go to do stuff with friends and
enjoy the time together. So, the movie wasn't that great of a movie, big
deal. But you got to spend time with those closest to you. To me, that
will always be a good time at the movies in my book. We both usually
come from the movies saying "I enjoyed it" and that's usually where we
leave it. If we start talking about the things we like, that usually
gets them on the tangent as to why they disliked it, and no body likes a
downer. I think this scenario works in a variety of ways. This has
happened going to sporting events, social gatherings, festivals, etc.
Those of us who really had an enjoyable time the whole way through, were
those of us who didn't expect anything out of it besides the moments
with other people. You really set the tone for the things you do in
life, the rest is just the setting.
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